Apologies to any nice estate agents that might be reading, this is only for those who are greasy, cut-throat, bile inducing, power-crazy egomaniacs.
You can tell I’ve had a fun couple of days can’t you….
1. A room is not a bedroom if the installation of a bed means the door to said room cannot open.
2. If showing a property where every carpet in the house is covered in snail/slug slime you might want to be more amenable to the suggestion that the carpets need cleaning before the new occupants move in, and that it is not something the new occupants should have to deal with.
3. An overgrown garden with foot high weeds, nettles running wild, sackfuls of rubbish, broken furniture and broken toys is in need of more than ‘a little tidying’.
4. Purchase a dictionary so that you can look up what ‘spacious’ actually means.
5. When even you cannot deny that something really is very small calling it ‘dainty’ fools no-one.
6. People who want to rent are not scum. Some people (us) want to rent for a while because we are moving to an area that we haven’t lived in for 25+ years and we want to get to know it again a little before we hand over life changing sums of money to buy. We might want to live in the town, we might want to live in one of the outlying villages, we don’t know yet so we want a little time so that when we make our decision we make the right one.
7. Furthermore just because we will be buying that doesn’t mean that I think renters who never intend to buy are scum. There are scummy people in this world – some of them will be tenants, some of them will be home-owners, some of them will be landlords – scummy people are scummy people.
8. I am only too familiar with the loathsome business of gazumping in relation to property purchase (was gazumped [even though I offered the asking price] on three flats, one after the other, in London in the late 90s). However encouraging prospective tenants to out-bid and offer a slightly higher rent than other possible interested parties takes estate-agent-utter-bastardry to a whole new level.
7. There are some nice estate agents – we met one at the end of yesterday – if more of you were like her the world would be a better place, people probably would talk to you at parties and people probably wouldn’t think ‘there’s a face I’d never tire of punching’ when you tell them what you do for a living.